HostBlog - incoherent ramblings of a hosting provider.

Well, sadly after 12 happy years, and a couple of really bad ones since she went do-lally, my wife is divorcing me, on the grounds on “unreasonable behaviour”. The “unreasonable” bit being me not allowing her to go off with my children and the new boyfriend whilst continuing to spend money-like-water on my credit-cards.

So the marriage is over officially rather than just actually now. Nisi pronounced, Absolute coming unless I argue the case, I have grounds to, but why would I want to stay married for another 5 years to a woman who’d rather be with another bloke, who was a complete Tosser when I met him 20 years ago, and by all accounts hasn’t improved over the years. So far, to try and get a quick divorce and large financial settlement she’s tried…

• Inventing Assets
  • I bought a coffee - now I apparently own Starbucks, and need to submit their last 2 years audited accounts to the court
  • I once watched Channel 4 - now I have to provide detailed projections for the UK terrestrial television networks
  • I pissed in a plastic box in a field - now I have to get 12months bank statements from Port-a-Loo

According to the retired fvckwit of a relative assisting her, I apparently own every company that I or any business I’m connected with has ever bought something from or sold something to, and now the court say I’m obliged to provide detailed accounts, 12 months bank statements, and financial projections for each of those business.

I rang the American Embassy, asked to be put through to the White House…

You see last year at Hosting Convention 2006 I stayed at the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas.
The hotel charged tax.
So I explained how I need to ask Mr George W. Bush for a breakdown of how my tax was spent. Full accounts for the past 24 months. Federal management reports and projections for the entire country for the next 12 months, and of course 50% of their GDP to be paid to the slapper as part of the settlement. At 10p/min its not a cheap phonecall, and not being a legal-aid-vulture I cant charge the state 2 grand for making the call like her solicitors do.
I was asked to repeat myself 3 times to different departments, and then kept on hold for well over an hour while their hysterics died down, before finally they hung up on me. At least with the £6 callshare revenue going the US, I’ve done my bit to help them with their 3rd world debt, what with them being the mentally poorest nation on the planet its the least I could do.
However now I will have “failed to disclose” something utterly pointless, and so another court case will start where they try and get me to pay their exorbitant and vastly inflated (i.e. made-up) costs.

• Claiming wife beating, harassment and mental cruelty. Along with every other word in her first sworn statement, via her state-paid brief being one of:
  • Stress
  • Trauma
  • Anxiety
  • Panic
  • Fear

  And any other words the lexicon threw out and the M$Word macro could insert into a sentence.
  Its a simple enough bit of code…
  
if ($lies_this_paragraph < 3)
{
openfile("the-which-guide-to-quick-divorce.ripped-by-haxorz.pdf", $the_manual, read-only)
$best_excuses_ever[] = readpage($the_manual, find("top 10 words the court likes to hear"))
$bullshit_reason = $best_excuses_ever[random(0,9)]
insert($bullshit_reason)
$lies_this_paragraph++
}


  So far that accusation has then been retracted in court, and the judge rescinded the ex-parte prohibitive steps orders issued under spurious claims. It is then mentioned again with less and less detail, and still no proof/evidence/truth in each successive draft of the divorce petition, each time more of the bogus claims removed, and documents submitted to a different judge, until eventually one skimmed so little of it they signed off on the petition - I mean FFS I’m expected to believe a Judge *seriously* read a 34 page petition in under 12 minutes, and stamped it ok, without even requesting the rest of the case file from the court staff !

• Child Abuse
  This is the one that really riles me. With no truth to the claim at all, I’ve had to volunteer to be supervised whilst with my children, in order to prove to the court that I’m not some raving kiddie-fiddler. Because the accusation has been made, even without any proof, I have to provide 6 reports to the court of my (court approved) contacts with the children.This is further complicated by her continued contempt of court ordered contact, utilising the standard despicable tricks that all Family Law solicitors advise their clients to use to disrupt contact with fathers …
  • Not turn up- this is a favourite trick - to simply not take the children for their contact
  • Lie about the childrens health - one or more of the children are apparently ill a few days before contact - so it has to be cancelled. But magically well enough to go out a day after the cancellation is agreed.
  • Turn up early- slightly more complicated as it can backfire - but turn up 30minutes early when you know no-one should be there, and then leave before the due time - that way you can still tell the court you took the children for contact, but no-one was home
  • Move the date- another old favourite, announce some event happening on the contact date, and so it must be moved but never agree what date to move it to.
  • Not agree the dates- now I don’t claim to be a rocket scientist, but just how difficult is it exactly to mark a calendar with a cross every 2 weeks ? It takes a month ?
  • Double book- make the Father look like the ultimate bad-buy - double book contact and some other family meeting in the same day - so daddy has to choose between appearing mean (no you cant go horse riding with grandma, you have to come and be watched by a court reporter and social worker in a cramped cold room with daddy) or giving up contact time.

  The NACCC have been great. Although its expensive, the room they provide for contact is clean, tidy, comfortable and safe for the children.
  CAFCASS have been worse than useless. 5 months on, I’m still waiting for the first interview. Generally the Family Court service has performed as expected. The Judges have listened to the contact order applications and granted contact, albeit for less time than I requested. Sadly despite having court orders granting contact every-other weekend, it just doesn’t happen.
  I really understand why FFJ members dress up as BatMan and scale historic buildings now !

  The only abuse that’s ever gone regarding my children, is perpetrated by their mother in denying them their court appointed contact with their father.

So why has it come down to what is rapidly becoming a nasty war ?
Partly its so she can go to church with the new boyfriend every Sunday, and if I can be painted as the evil-ex-husband who abused his wife and hurt his children, so she had no option but to divorce me for everyone’s safety, then she gets the sympathy vote, and the church white wedding they’re planning.
But mostly its PAS, which she’s exhibited symptoms of for years, but is exasperated by the divorce, her family, her new “friend” and so on.
Protecting Children from PAS
Parental Alienation Syndrome
PAS In A Custody Battle
- sadly there is no quick solution to what is an extreme mental condition with my wife, and is really a form of mental child abuse. The best I can do right now is keep getting court orders to see them, and try to maintain the great relationship I have with my kids, to provide them with the strength and stability to get through the torture their mother is putting them through. Longer term, its involve social services and try and gain primary custody. To quote the experts…

Alienation does not occur overnight. It is gradual and consistent and is directly related to the time spent with the alienating parent. To heal the relationship, the child requires quality time with the targeted parent and continued communication to serve as a reality check and in order to counterbalance the effect of ongoing alienation at home. The alienating parent, on the other hand, requires time to complete the brainwashing of the child without interruption. Thus, manipulation of time is a prime weapon in his or her hands.

So there is hope, but it will require a lot more court appearances before she can be forced into allowing me quality time with the children to repair the damage she is causing. For those too pressed to read all the books on the subject a summary…

1. To insist that you come and go exactly at the times she stipulates. If you are late or early she will make you suffer for it in some way.
2. She will insist that you detail where you take the child and under what conditions. She will not inform you of anything she does with the child.
3. She will make changes to arrangements you have with the child but not give you these changes until the last minute. If you complain you will lose the contact time. If you have to change arrangements she will simple refuse to accept the changes and you will lose contact time.
4. She will deliberately offer the child alternative events on your days and then say the child has chosen the alternative event. She will make you choose to insist on your contact time or allow the child to do the other thing so that you will appear mean to stop the child.
5. She will duplicate gifts you give the child to undermine the value the child puts on it.
6. She will hide, break, or deliberately be careless with things you give your child.
7. She will deliberately misinterpret anything you do or say to the point where you will think twice about doing or saying anything.
8. She may ask for extra money for the child, and present the request in such a way that it obviously implies you will lose out on contact if you don’t make the offer.
9. She will write to inform you of changes in contact times but post the letter so that it cannot possibly reach you in time.
10. She will not keep you informed of the childs well being, education reports, activities or anything that you might expect as a parent.
11. If you do anything to help the child the mother may thank you in a way she might thank a stranger doing a favour.
12. Should you buy the child clothes she will criticise your taste or understanding of the childs needs.
13. She will criticise your home, friends, and life style. She will use any of these as an excuse to stop contact.
14. She will tell the child that the court ‘doesn’t allow it to see the father more than on the court order’ when in fact the court order only states the minimum contact time.
15. She will allow the child to miss homework during the week so that it has to be done in your contact time, so vying with anything else you will have arranged.
16. She will interpret your contact time as being the total amount of time available for all purposes. If your parents want to see their grandchild it will have to come out of your contact time.
17. If she sees you in the street when she is with the child she will ignore you and force the child to do the same.
18. If you participate in school/club events and see your child there she will tell your that you are not allowed to do it. She may well contact the school and inform them (incorrectly) that the court has banned you from such events.
19. If you have a new partner she will insist that the new partner is not involved in contact times as it distresses the child.
20. If you send your child gifts on special occasions they will get ‘overlooked’ on the day.
21. If you phone your child and she takes the phone she will say the child is busy or out. If the child takes the phone she will listen in or interrupt the child.
22. She will constantly remind you of your shortcomings as a father in front of the child. Any replies to this will be regarded as ‘rowing in front of the children’.

Reproduced from http://www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/pas.htm

1. where the views expressed by the child (for example, ‘I’m frightened of Daddy’, or ‘I hate Daddy’) are not in any way borne out by the child’s behaviour when observed with his father;
2. where the mother ‘enmeshes’ others (who may become her witnesses) who then echo the child’s fear or allegations and support the mother’s view that contact can only begin very gradually. These others may express admiration that the mother is trying to promote contact;
3. where the mother or others on her behalf hide the child from the father and pretend that it is a game ‘to hide from Daddy’;
4. where the mother is reluctant to allow the child to be seen by independent psychologists although she may have enlisted the support of her general practitioner, health visitor, etc as part of the enmeshment process;
5. where the mother agrees to arrangements for contact and at the last moment ‘pulls the plug’, often citing a real or imagined incident whereby the father has upset the child in some way;
6. where the mother is monitoring or trying to interrupt telephone contact between the child and his father;
7. where the child checks with his mother (which may merely be by using body language) that it is all right to answer questions asked by social workers or experts in the mother’s presence;
8. where the child does not answer questions naturally, but appears instead to give pre- programmed answers, or responds to a question by giving a wholly unrelated answer;
9. where the child uses age-inappropriate language which suggests that he has either picked up adult conversation or has been coached by the mother.
10. where the mother insists on being present at all contact sessions, citing the child’s need to feel secure, or the mother may say that the child has told her that he is too fightened to have contact unless she stays with him;
11. where ‘it is said that’ letters and cards from the father mysteriously fail to arrive, although the mother encourages the child to write so as to demonstrate he commitment to contact;
12. where ‘it is said that’, immediately after contact, the mother inquires of the child how he is feeling (for example ‘have you still got that nasty tummy ache?’), implying that contact has been a painful experience for the child;
13. where the mother alleges that the father has abused the child in some way, and that the father has abused the child in some way, and she continues to insist on this even in the face of all expert evidence to the contrary. None the less, the mother may assure everyone that she does not want to promote contact but insists that it will have to be re-established on a very gradual step-by-step basis and that continued supervision of the father whilst contact takes place is essential to prevent further abuse. The child himself may echo the allegations of the mother, appearing to believe that he has been abused.

The damage to a child of a mother adopting a stategy of alienation is both insidious and long term…….. Reproduced from http://www.ukmm.org.uk/issues/pas.htm I have learnt however, that if you want to get something through the county courts thats already been thrown out at least once - just submit the exact same paperwork on a different day next time. It will get seen by a different overworked, underpaid, uninterested and uninformed circuit judge - and eventually one will be having such a sh!t day they’ll sign anything just to be able to go home early. Anyway, she’ll need a new email address now - i notice both YouWitch.com and PASChildAbuser.com are available - think I’ll offer some free hosting as part of the settlement …